Church

We went to church today and I was actually disappointed that the sermon wasn't longer. It was a guest pastor and he didn't hit all the points mentioned in the handout, but sitting there...it was like I wanted to spend the whole day going over the Bible with Anthony. We were getting along great this weekend and even if it's thanks to shopping, pill popping or bar hopping; outer space or inner peace, it still means something. One day at a time - that's what's working for me lately. If I can just get us all through one day intact, no fights or tears, it starts to build a foundation. Sometimes it gets broken down piece by piece till there IS NO PEACE. I feel like the situation is hopeless in those moments. I want to take Elise and run away before she gets damaged by the negative force field being created around us all. But when we are a happy, typical middle-class family, going out to the bouncy place, dinner, shopping for gigantic mega-toys for her (like the Barbie Jeep that even has a stereo in it!), then I'm blown away by the wholesome happiness. I feel like an accomplished writer or a talented artist who has finished a masterpiece. My beautiful family. I've wanted a family to call my own ever since my spotted childhood. I want to give Elise what every child deserves. A solid foundation to build her life on.